A Link to the Past

Things were bad I won't lie, you were all gonna die but you're all alive because I kick arse, so you're welcome I guess. Either way I'm the best. There's a bunch of Links each of us distinct but I'm the best. I am number one, look how fast I run and I'm really fun. Guess I'm just blessed. Yes, I saved light and dark worlds, Zelda too and like six other girls. My quest was epic and long as is my dong. I bring bad guys to their knees, no no no no, no autographs please. I'm a gift to you from the gods, just admit you want my babies. You're like "wow sacra bleu we were deep in poo poo but Link showed up and waaaalaaaa we were free!" You were lost, stuck in bed, you were basically dead but you're all alive because of me. So you're welcome, no prob, I did a great job but I just did what you would've done! That's a joke obviously because it had to be me! I'm the Link who's the link to the past!